I feel like I completely wasted my three days off. I slept the entire day Sunday, literally. I came home, fell asleep, woke up at lunch time, tried to make my daughter mac and cheese but fell back asleep on accident (and now lucky that the house didn’t burn down), gave her a sandwich instead and told her she’ll have to deal for now, fell back asleep, Continue reading
So sorry I have been away. I don’t have a bunch of valid excuses, but I do have a couple. I finally moved into my own place! My name is on a lease and I couldn’t be happier. It’s been two (?) weeks and I’m still not completely unpacked, but hey, it’s my place. Also, during the move, my daughter and my boyfriend’s nephew were arguing (surprise, surprise) and he pushed her and she fell on my laptop. The screen is shattered and bleeding black ink. Now that I’m past the feelings normally associated with such a tragic thing, I find the look kind of interesting. It has a fantastic spider crack from one side that spreads to the rest of the screen and the ink expands everyday. So those are my only valid excuses. No my computer is still not fixed, but my boyfriend, who understands that I have everything that I’ve written in the last six months on my computer, has connected the laptop to our television screen. So now I am able to use my computer with a different screen and I am really happy to find that there are no hard drive errors. I’m not sure what I would do if there was. I’ve only had the thing for six months and it’s already broken. I might have to wait until after the holidays are over, but my screen will eventually get fixed. In the meantime, I am super excited to use an extremely large screen to do all my stuff on. Call me a nerd, but my Sims 4 game has never been more fun to play.
On to other things, I’ve been feeling mournful for the past month or two. Without even realizing it, my brain has made a decision about Bugs. I have been roadblocked for so long with it that I’m afraid I’ve lost my connection with the whole story. I hope I’m wrong and I am still going to keep it around so that I can hopefully get back to it. It’s quite depressing. I feel like I’ve lost a loved one. But if I can’t continue, I can’t continue. Some time apart should do some good. Hopefully.
Since it’s November, again, I checked into NaNoWriMo and started a new book. I’m sure I won’t have it done in the month, but I find the site itself is good at just getting me going. It took me almost two hours to halfway finish formulating a plot, but I’m already excited about it. I posted a brief first-draft-like synopsis on my profile page on the site. Tell me what you think:
A young woman (still unnamed) has been living with the diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder since she was a young girl following the traumatic, mutilating death of her family. As an adult in her early to mid twenties, she finds she is able to cope with life through psychodynamic therapy, an antianxiety medication called Klonopin, photography, and repeated pieces of information that enable her to get a better grip on one reality.
She struggles through her life, but because of her diligence and insistence that she can be a normal human being, she has been able to avoid mental institutions and is allowed to live on her own.
That is, until everything she had ever thought to be a part of her disorder comes forth and makes her question everything she knows. It begins to stalk her. Gives her nightmares. And suddenly her therapy and medication doesn’t work.
Everything begins to get worse.
History begins to repeat itself.
And it has a name.
And a brain of it’s own.
I hope this is somewhat easy for me to flow with. This time around, I’m not setting any expectations for myself about it. Other than finishing it, of course. There will be no deadline or word count. I don’t think I even want to form chapters until the second draft. I feel like doing it this way is better suited for me. I can’t force myself to write, I’m easily distracted, and even in school I had a hard time getting things done in time. And if it was done in time, it was usually finished during a free period before the actual class. Procrastination at it’s best.
Speaking of school. I am hoping to go back to college. I dropped out after three semesters from a community college in New York after I graduated high school. My parents had chosen my major then (business administration, yuck). I really wanted to do something creative like art, photography, or writing. I was told those things wouldn’t get me any good jobs, I’d be broke my entire life, they weren’t translatable, photography is expensive, the chances of me getting published are too rare to even try, nobody buys art anymore, on and on and on….. So I didn’t go for what I wanted. They wouldn’t even concede to a simple Associate in Arts. You know, something that I could start out with before making any final decisions. Oh well. THIS time I’m going for what I want. And I think I want to do a major and minor. Creative writing (obviously) and maybe English Teaching. I love the idea of influencing the future generations to be passionate about reading and writing. I haven’t completely decided yet and so instead of waiting until I figure it out, I’m going to apply to a local community college here and get my Associate in Arts. Then go from there. Get all that basic crap out of the way first before I plot my future. I’m really excited about it all. And nervous. If I can’t get a school loan (I have a nasty feeling most scholarship deadlines have passed, but I’m still going to look), then I won’t be able to go because I can’t afford it. If not, then I guess I’ll be busting my butt to get as many scholarships as possible for next fall. I am going to go. No matter what.
What do you think of my novel idea? Does it sound like it has potential or does it fall flat on your ears?
*Sorry if there are any errors, despite the screen being big, the text is surprisingly small and my eyes are having a hard time focusing on it.
Yeah, if everyone could just stop publishing their books for the next two to three years, that’d be great. My to-read lists are so long. I haven’t counted, but I really wouldn’t be surprised if it was close to 1,000 books total if I were to put all of my to-read lists together. So. Many. Books. And I intend to read every single one of them, but that will be hard unless people stop publishing books (even ebooks). Otherwise the only thing that’s going to happen is that my list will get longer and I will die before I ever finish it. Ah, if only I were a wealthy hermit. Continue reading
It’s amazing how little I do on my three days off. It’s almost like I get home from work Saturday morning, and then I just don’t have the energy to do anything else. And it’s staring me in the face in the form of this large pile of clean laundry. I wish I had the space to just hang everything; my life was much simpler when that was an option.
Also because I’ve been working a lot and haven’t had any energy during my time off, I haven’t been writing either. I’ve been thinking about it, trying to figure out what to do for each thing in turn. I was tempted to start one of my fantasy series, but decided against it because I just have so many things started already.
So I decided to focus on my horror short story, The Intruder.
At work last night I attempted to put myself into the mind of the main antagonist. He’s a rapist, murderer, and he’s psycho. So as I’m packing product, I keep trying to think like he would. It’s hard. How do you make yourself fantasy about that sort of thing? Not to mention I was trying hard not to make it obvious that I was doing funny things in my head; I don’t have a very good poker face, unless I’m playing poker.
But I did make a little progress with that character. Nothing I can reveal here without giving away the bad guy, but it is character progress. And character progress is what I’ll be working on for a little while. Maybe getting to know my characters a little better will help respark the creative fire.
When someone you don’t know passes you, what’s the first thing you notice? Their looks, sure. Maybe you notice their clothing. But do you notice the way they smell? Maybe not. Which is a shame; people are attracted to smells they like.
Think about food. If you come home after a long day at work and your feet hurt, your head hurts, and all you want is a nap and maybe a shower. Then you walk close enough to the kitchen to smell what’s cooking for dinner. Imagine it’s your favorite food in the entire world. Are you still tired? Probably, but all of a sudden you have this urge to rush around and maybe help out so you can eat that delicious dinner even faster. Why do you do that? Because you smelled something that you love. Because you smelled something that invoked emotions in you.
Same goes for cologne. (And perfume, but I’m a girl so I notice more when a guy smells GREAT)
If you put as much thought into how you smell as you do in thinking about why the sky is blue, then you should consider stepping it up some, especially if your single. Now I haven’t asked any other females and I haven’t googled for studies that prove this is common, but I’m more likely to talk to someone that isn’t traditionally attractive if they smell amazing. A stranger walked by me yesterday, I barely glanced at him, but after he passed me, I caught a hint of his cologne, and I suddenly looked like an owl. No joke. That guy smelled amazing. I had half a mind to ask him what he wore so I could buy it for my boyfriend.
So smelling great is important. Chances are you’re going to attract people even more by smelling good.
*Gentle hint, axe is too common/overused way too much to attract anyone over 17 years old.*
So I’ve been working at my new job for three weeks now. Just finished by third week Saturday morning. Haven’t written a single word since I started. I feel like such a slacker, but I just can’t seem to turn my brain back on. I’m going to make a real effort Monday night though. We’ll see how that goes. I’ve been playing this fantasy ps3 game that I really like on my nights off, so I have things like elves and trolls running through my mind right now.
I keep acquiring new bruises on my arms from work. It almost looks like someone might be abusing me. I also always seem to have a so g stuck in my head these days. This morning its that Rude song. No idea why, but its better than when I had Fancy on repeat in my brain Friday night. My work friends kept trying to get me to sing it because one of them didn’t know the song. Just ride with me in the car or watch me do the dishes and you’ll hear me sing. Maybe even dance.
But you know, people really are very rude these days. Too stuck on their phones and social media to even know what’s going on around them. I can’t even tell you how many articles I’ve read about studies that prove how social media negatively affects your daily lives. Maybe that’s why I suck at blogging.
I am so exhausted! Just finished day two of my new job. Two ten hour shifts. My feet hurt. My legs hurt. And my hip hurts. So. Much. Pain. But the pay will be good. I have two more days to go before I get three days off, so if you don’t hear from me for a few days, just know that I’m either at work, crying in pain, or sleeping. Which also means I won’t be getting much writing done. If I get any done at all, which I probably won’t.
So now I am going to get ready to work out and then I’m going to bed. Then work.
So I was just looking at my Facebook author page, and I noticed that I don’t have an author photo. On my normal page, I have several author pages that I’ve liked, and they all have their own photos. I’m not sure if it’s really that important, but I think it’s something that I’m going to have to work on at some point.
Well, not as much progress last night as the night before, I only wrote 788 words in Young Love, bringing the total amount of words up to 4,669. Not too bad. I did figure out that I want the series to be five books long. Tentatively. And so far, most of the almost 5,000 words is in the last book. Go figure. But hey, it’s something. And I almost feel that it’s okay to have them all written before I release the first one, and then just release them every six months. Sounds fairly smart to me at least.
Today I plan on writing the outlines for the five different books, I already have an idea of what each one is about, but I need some sort of guideline to go by. I also want to write more for the book, obviously, but in particular I want to write the second half of this chapter that I wrote on Saturday (or whenever it was that I wrote a bunch of it). I wrote a scene that day that is about as long as half of a chapter so one more scene should make a whole chapter. My word count aim for each book is 60,000. I read somewhere that that was a normal length for romances so, why not start there? I will also try to get out of my Bugs funk today and try to finish Chapter 9. Try. I need to stay up really late again tonight so I have plenty kid-free time.
Don’t forget you can head on over to Facebook and like my author page. Whenever I post here, it automatically posts there. Same with Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, and Path (not completely sure what Path is, but WordPress gave me that option so I did it. I’m also not sure how to find my profile so I can add a link here). So go to whichever one is your favorite and like or follow me and you’ll be able to see the new things I post without having to come here first.
So I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but my shift at my new job is ten hours long, and it starts at 6:30 at night. I literally have to be up all dang night four days out of the week. That part kind of sucks, but then I get more daylight hours with my daughter and I only work Tuesday – Friday so I won’t miss any family parties, which is pretty cool.
Well, in preparation of my first real workday this coming Tuesday, I stayed up as late as I could last night (around 1:30 in the morning, not too shabby). I wrote 2,511 words in my quest to stay up all night. It wasn’t in Bugs, but it was words. It was one full scene (half of a chapter) and then the beginnings of another scene. I believe I’ll be able to use them in a romance series I’ve been thinking about for a while now called Young Love (title subject to change, obviously).
Hopefully I can write more tonight before I give up the fight and go to bed. I didn’t get a chance to take an afternoon nap today so I’m not sure how I’ll do.
I’m still stuck on Bugs. It’s getting very frustrating but I’m starting to wonder if I keep getting stuck because of a fizzle in passion. It’s possible, but unhelpful.
Ah, well, a break could be all I need to get back into the swing of things.
On Thursday, I stated my new job. I’m really excited about it. It’s for a great company and it sounds like I’m going to have a lot of fun there. Hopefully this will be a career versus just another job. It’s a guaranteed 40+ hours a week, which is good, but also means that I’ll have less time to write (because, you know, I write so much when I have nothing to do anyways).
Oh well, if John Grisham can accomplish things during his lunch breaks as a lawyer, I can do it during my breaks at my warehouse job.
I’m still feeling conflicted about Bugs. I have come to a stand still in Chapter 9. I honestly can’t remember if I had problems with this chapter the first time around or not, but I won’t be surprised if I did. It’s odd because it feels like this is a spot I shouldn’t be stuck at, but I am. I’m sure it doesn’t help that horror isn’t exactly the mood that I’m generally in these days (how in the world do write about death and whatnot when you’re singing Rapunzel songs in your head?).
I did watch a funny video today. It deals with clowns. Instead of telling you about it, I’m just going to post the link. Don’t watch if you’re afraid of clowns. I thought it was funny, although a commenter made a good point; the clown would be dead if any of those people had a concealed weapons permit.
I hope everyone had a nice fourth of July (even if you’re not in America; hey, the fourth WAS a Friday) and I will try to post more often.