So sorry I have been away. I don’t have a bunch of valid excuses, but I do have a couple. I finally moved into my own place! My name is on a lease and I couldn’t be happier. It’s been two (?) weeks and I’m still not completely unpacked, but hey, it’s my place. Also, during the move, my daughter and my boyfriend’s nephew were arguing (surprise, surprise) and he pushed her and she fell on my laptop. The screen is shattered and bleeding black ink. Now that I’m past the feelings normally associated with such a tragic thing, I find the look kind of interesting. It has a fantastic spider crack from one side that spreads to the rest of the screen and the ink expands everyday. So those are my only valid excuses. No my computer is still not fixed, but my boyfriend, who understands that I have everything that I’ve written in the last six months on my computer, has connected the laptop to our television screen. So now I am able to use my computer with a different screen and I am really happy to find that there are no hard drive errors. I’m not sure what I would do if there was. I’ve only had the thing for six months and it’s already broken. I might have to wait until after the holidays are over, but my screen will eventually get fixed. In the meantime, I am super excited to use an extremely large screen to do all my stuff on. Call me a nerd, but my Sims 4 game has never been more fun to play.
On to other things, I’ve been feeling mournful for the past month or two. Without even realizing it, my brain has made a decision about Bugs. I have been roadblocked for so long with it that I’m afraid I’ve lost my connection with the whole story. I hope I’m wrong and I am still going to keep it around so that I can hopefully get back to it. It’s quite depressing. I feel like I’ve lost a loved one. But if I can’t continue, I can’t continue. Some time apart should do some good. Hopefully.
Since it’s November, again, I checked into NaNoWriMo and started a new book. I’m sure I won’t have it done in the month, but I find the site itself is good at just getting me going. It took me almost two hours to halfway finish formulating a plot, but I’m already excited about it. I posted a brief first-draft-like synopsis on my profile page on the site. Tell me what you think:
A young woman (still unnamed) has been living with the diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder since she was a young girl following the traumatic, mutilating death of her family. As an adult in her early to mid twenties, she finds she is able to cope with life through psychodynamic therapy, an antianxiety medication called Klonopin, photography, and repeated pieces of information that enable her to get a better grip on one reality.
She struggles through her life, but because of her diligence and insistence that she can be a normal human being, she has been able to avoid mental institutions and is allowed to live on her own.
That is, until everything she had ever thought to be a part of her disorder comes forth and makes her question everything she knows. It begins to stalk her. Gives her nightmares. And suddenly her therapy and medication doesn’t work.
Everything begins to get worse.
History begins to repeat itself.
And it has a name.
And a brain of it’s own.
I hope this is somewhat easy for me to flow with. This time around, I’m not setting any expectations for myself about it. Other than finishing it, of course. There will be no deadline or word count. I don’t think I even want to form chapters until the second draft. I feel like doing it this way is better suited for me. I can’t force myself to write, I’m easily distracted, and even in school I had a hard time getting things done in time. And if it was done in time, it was usually finished during a free period before the actual class. Procrastination at it’s best.
Speaking of school. I am hoping to go back to college. I dropped out after three semesters from a community college in New York after I graduated high school. My parents had chosen my major then (business administration, yuck). I really wanted to do something creative like art, photography, or writing. I was told those things wouldn’t get me any good jobs, I’d be broke my entire life, they weren’t translatable, photography is expensive, the chances of me getting published are too rare to even try, nobody buys art anymore, on and on and on….. So I didn’t go for what I wanted. They wouldn’t even concede to a simple Associate in Arts. You know, something that I could start out with before making any final decisions. Oh well. THIS time I’m going for what I want. And I think I want to do a major and minor. Creative writing (obviously) and maybe English Teaching. I love the idea of influencing the future generations to be passionate about reading and writing. I haven’t completely decided yet and so instead of waiting until I figure it out, I’m going to apply to a local community college here and get my Associate in Arts. Then go from there. Get all that basic crap out of the way first before I plot my future. I’m really excited about it all. And nervous. If I can’t get a school loan (I have a nasty feeling most scholarship deadlines have passed, but I’m still going to look), then I won’t be able to go because I can’t afford it. If not, then I guess I’ll be busting my butt to get as many scholarships as possible for next fall. I am going to go. No matter what.
What do you think of my novel idea? Does it sound like it has potential or does it fall flat on your ears?
*Sorry if there are any errors, despite the screen being big, the text is surprisingly small and my eyes are having a hard time focusing on it.