Every single day feels like a broken record to me. I sleep (sometimes barely) at night, I wake up in the morning, and if I work the mid-shift (10 to 7), I spend about an hour with my daughter, then I drive an hour to work. I work at a place I hate more and more every day, talking and dealing with people that I don’t generally like because I hate my job. Then I get to eat “lunch” after five hours of working (that is if the closing cashier is on time and doesn’t move as slow as a beached whale for a change) which usually doesn’t include a lot of food even though I’m usually ravenous by then. Then I get to go back to work and give the beached whale her first break after she’s only been there and hour and a half (REALLY?!). THEN I get to drive back home (another flipping hour) nine hours after I started work and go home to my two year old who has decided to be an angel when mommy isn’t home, but a little crying devil when mommy is home (I still love her though). Then I sit down at the computer, usually with a huge headache and a bad attitude and try to pound on the keys for a little bit before my forehead drops (doesn’t usually work, blank screens are my friends). And then it’s sleep again. Throw in some laundry and boyfriend time and you have my week. I know I’m sounding dull and like a whiney brat, but I don’t care. I’m exhausted. Just plain tired. Tired of having little to nothing to live on. Tired of trying to deal with my daughter’s attitude (which is VERY much like her father’s) with other people talking in my ear and telling me how I should deal with it (which, by the way, increases my bad mood greatly). Tired of trying to figure out how to get out of my current circumstances without marrying a dying rich guy or robbing the First National. And most of all, I’m tired of BLANK SCREENS. I can not for the life of me get my brain moving. With these pounding headaches, I just can’t get the words I know I want to say out of my mouth. They will not come. It’s completely frustrating not being able to write something that I’ve already written in my head, knowing that this IS my one escape route to pure happiness. And on top of all that, I usually have a song or two playing over and over and over and over and over in my head all day long (right now it’s Miley Cyrus’ song Wrecking Ball, which I absolutely love).
All in all, I really think this is why I love killing the people in my books. It’s like a little release. It’s nothing I would EVER do in real life, but when it’s all fake and none of the people are real, then it’s 100% okay (and thank goodness for that). So after I’ve put in my eight hours of work, one hour of lunch, two hours of driving, and put my daughter to bed, I’m going to open up my folders on my flash drive once again, and stare and blank pages.
(I was going to put a relevant picture here, but I’m too lazy right now to figure out if I can fairly use the pic I found without getting sued or whatever for using it. Don’t blame me too much, I’m tired and I have a headache. But I will say that the pic I found was from the neopets website and it was the picture of the one dude who’s name I can’t remember that does the wheel of monotony. I use to play neopets all the time so it was kind of perfect for this post. But like I said, I’m being lazy, so… just picture it in your head.)
Do you have these same problems? I’m sure you do. I did find a video today that made me smile, cry, and reflect all at the same time today. I’m still too lazy to figure out the fair use thing, but with this, I’ll take my chances. Take a moment to watch the video (I will put the link below).